The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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