gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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