i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
