Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
it was like having sex with a tree stump
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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