is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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