You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Randomize
