There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
