If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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