yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
