The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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