You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
