Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
