you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
