dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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