Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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