I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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