Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
