so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
