my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
