Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
