his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize