the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
