***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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