so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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