it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize