Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
