god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
