life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just forgot I was standing up.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
