You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
