I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
