wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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