you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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