here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
