I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
