Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
