I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize