she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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