took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
