do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
