You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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