It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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