There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
the day after is always just damage control
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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