Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
