Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
