This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
