Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
do nipples grow back?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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