went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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