you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
