Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
