dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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