they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
ttyl tear gas
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
