it's like iHOP with fire
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
