wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
