Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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