Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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