In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
