I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
