Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
