STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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