The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
