I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
