Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
