i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
