Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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