dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
you will always have a special place in my vag
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
