you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
someone threw a dead crab at me
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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