i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize