She's JV to your varsity
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
