can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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