Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
