Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
